I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
