My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
