my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
