we're blogging at a bar
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
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Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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