As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
