so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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