Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
