The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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