Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
