true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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