I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
