Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
