I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you would pick up someone in the library
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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