i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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