I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
