This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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