If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
