he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
