my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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