I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
