hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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