Cold hands, warm shart.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
