if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
look no pants
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
