i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
