I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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