i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
