Sry I called you an 8
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
