Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
North Korea, Best Korea!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
