And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
