her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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