I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
