so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
