If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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