If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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