lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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