I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
