You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
