We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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