I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
