why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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