Kareoke will never be a sober sport
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
