I think I died a long time ago.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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