I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is the high leading the old right now
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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