U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
