The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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