all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
