i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
