god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
