Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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