She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
