I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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