did you get engaged???
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
