No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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