made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
