I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
