weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
