i was born a porn star she said
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
