Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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