Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
