I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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