I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
