Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
