When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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