Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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