So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
