therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
