when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
