it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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