I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize